![]() ![]() "You should have known how I would react." "I don't think your family has your best interests at heart."Ī gaslighter can try to isolate their victim from their support network to gain greater control over their life.ġ0. Because they believe the abuser is acting with love, the victim may feel guilty for feeling angry, afraid, or upset with the abuser. Therefore, victims will question their natural, negative reactions to abuse. By justifying their intentions as loving, abusers manipulate victims into thinking that the abuser has their best interests at heart. This phrase is an extremely common example of gaslighting in romantic and familial relationships. When a victim hears that their abuser would not intentionally hurt them, they question the validity of their emotions and if they have the right to be upset with their partner. At the same time, the abuser covers their bases for future offenses. By making themselves out to be pure in intention, they alleviate themselves of any guilt. This phrase is another example of an abuser manipulating their victim's understanding of trust. "You know I'd never intentionally hurt you." Using this method of gaslighting, the abuser is attempting to make the victim seem like "the bad guy" in the interaction.Ħ. On the other hand, they could feel guilty, questioning their own intentions. ![]() Its purpose is two-fold: on one hand, the victim might feel foolish and unable to articulate how they are actually feeling. This phrase is used to shift blame away from an abuser and onto a victim. When victims hear this phrase, they will doubt whether the abuser is actually lying, questioning their own understanding of the truth. They are attempting to make the victim feel guilty for not trusting them. ![]() In using this phrase, abusers are manipulating the victim's understanding of trust. This is another example that an abuser will use to make a victim question their reality. "Do you really think I'd make that up?"Īn abuser most often will use this phrase when they are accused of lying or fabricating details. It can lead to the victim relying on the abuser's interpretation of events. This kind of apology leaves the victim questioning their own judgment and wondering if they really did overreact. Instead, Tessina says this is a way for an abuser to deflect responsibility and blame the victim. While this statement might seem like an apology, it isn't. According to a 2019 paper, this may be due to the way society can sometimes depict women as more irrational and less in control of their emotions than men. This is particularly common in male-female romantic relationships where the man is gaslighting the woman. "This decreases the likelihood that the victim's stories will be believed and disconnects them from the resources that would make it possible for them to leave ," says Tessina. The gaslighter might also try to convince the victim's family and friends that they're mentally unstable so that they can further discredit any claims the victim is making. On top of making victims experience doubt, gaslighters may even make their victim question their own sanity, Tessina says. "You're crazy - and other people think so, too." ![]()
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